Ah, a weekend in the country can do wonders. Feel free to check out the Hylands blog, where indeed I do post everyday. But I will also keep Playground Revolution going, partly because many of us, myself included, struggle with how to speak honestly and politically, personally and publicly, all together. I may as well work through this out loud, as we figure out the many voices it takes to speak out and make a difference. So, I'll be there, and here.
Late Saturday night I realized it's just about the one year anniversary of Playground Revolution.com. So maybe it needs a makeover, a new color, some bells and whistles to keep us all amused. Maybe it needs a way into the future. And a slightly less tired writer, perhaps one who's not dealing with last week's 1-2 punch of being 8 months pregnant, and felled by an October cold! But friends, I'll keep with it. There's too much at stake, plus, did anyone catch the news item last week about the advertising CEO who resigned after the uproar that followed his comments about women could never raise to advertising's top ranks, because of our caretaking and mothering duties? Agh, someone's got to be here at PR to keep on top of such things. We need to keep the uproar going, as well as our day-to-day support of each other. I want to be part of all that.
Plus, this week I'm speaking to a local Mothers & More group, and the next day giving a talk at St. Joseph's University, here in Philadelphia, so I'll have lots to report.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Friday, October 21, 2005
Other Blog
Friends,
For a few weeks now I've been posting to an alternate blog, one I've agreed to do for Hylands. It's a more personal blog/forums. The writing is different, it's slightly less political, and more concerned with the everyday of parenting. On this blog, for a while now, my writer's voice has felt caught, it's too political, too angry, too one-dimensional, and I don't know exactly how to shift that. I've also been concerned that there are too many "anonymous--check out my commercial blog" responses. I know the web stats, so I know people are visiting in nice numbers, but I need more sense of community around this blog, to feel energized by other readers and writers. I also need a change in voice. I'm going to shift gears for a while, and focus more on the other blog for a few weeks, so please come with me and check it out.
My hope is that a break from Playground Revolution will help me solve the political vs personal divisions that are daunting, and haunting, and that don't reflect the kind of writing I really want to do. I'll post here once a week or so, but please, feel welcome at the other blog. I post there every afternoon; you just need to go the site and do a quick registration. I'll be back here at Playground Revolution soon, perhaps with a new set up, and a tone that more honestly reflects where I am now.
Thanks for understanding,
Miriam
For a few weeks now I've been posting to an alternate blog, one I've agreed to do for Hylands. It's a more personal blog/forums. The writing is different, it's slightly less political, and more concerned with the everyday of parenting. On this blog, for a while now, my writer's voice has felt caught, it's too political, too angry, too one-dimensional, and I don't know exactly how to shift that. I've also been concerned that there are too many "anonymous--check out my commercial blog" responses. I know the web stats, so I know people are visiting in nice numbers, but I need more sense of community around this blog, to feel energized by other readers and writers. I also need a change in voice. I'm going to shift gears for a while, and focus more on the other blog for a few weeks, so please come with me and check it out.
My hope is that a break from Playground Revolution will help me solve the political vs personal divisions that are daunting, and haunting, and that don't reflect the kind of writing I really want to do. I'll post here once a week or so, but please, feel welcome at the other blog. I post there every afternoon; you just need to go the site and do a quick registration. I'll be back here at Playground Revolution soon, perhaps with a new set up, and a tone that more honestly reflects where I am now.
Thanks for understanding,
Miriam
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Gender See-Saw
Okay, last week it was the NY Times declaring that elite college women everywhere wanted to be stay at home moms (I'm overstating, I know). This week, it's Newsweek's report on How Women Lead, far preferable in my book, though I can't help but think we are on a see-saw that no one's quite able to sort out. One week we're reminded that women are leaving hte workplace in droves, the next, of their success.
Now, neither report deals with the knitty-gritty issues of wage gap, say, and how much these women leaders are earning, compared to men in equivalent jobs. But the Newsweek report did let women talk about what they learned as parents, that it's okay to be emotional in the workplace, and it let them discuss discrimination and obstacles, even as several of the women leaders encouraged younger and other women to be more confident, to speak out, to not fall into the female trap of waiting for the perfect idea to speak.
What's so clear to me is that we're in the midst of it all, in the midst of sorting through what we women should and can be and do.
Now, neither report deals with the knitty-gritty issues of wage gap, say, and how much these women leaders are earning, compared to men in equivalent jobs. But the Newsweek report did let women talk about what they learned as parents, that it's okay to be emotional in the workplace, and it let them discuss discrimination and obstacles, even as several of the women leaders encouraged younger and other women to be more confident, to speak out, to not fall into the female trap of waiting for the perfect idea to speak.
What's so clear to me is that we're in the midst of it all, in the midst of sorting through what we women should and can be and do.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Things I Like....
Sometimes the mom-thing is about making real change, sometimes it's just about not feeling so lost and invisible in our culture. Thoughts for the day, a catch-up of things I've learned in the past week.
1. Reel Moms--Movie showings where parents and caretakers can bring their kids. It's not exactly Seattle's famed Crying Rooms, where you can bring the babies to every show, but it's a step. I've been more and more interested in how the business world can provide services for parents that are win-win, and this seems like a nice one, in the space-creating mode. Now if only I actually got some maternity leave when my baby arrives in December, and didn't have to teach on tuesday mornings, I'd love to go to Reel Mom Cinema. Maybe I'll put in for a schedule change.... Check out Reel Mom Cinema
2. Mothers Can Do It job fairs in the NY area, focusing on helping mothers who have taken time out for parenting get back into the workplace. Check out their website
(Thanks to Jessica Safran at Vital Signage for both of these references.)
So while we're waiting for a big fancy mothers movement with all the bells and whistles that signify "movement," I'll also be keeping track of small changes that may open the doors for us caretakers to feel more empowered to act on our own behalf.
1. Reel Moms--Movie showings where parents and caretakers can bring their kids. It's not exactly Seattle's famed Crying Rooms, where you can bring the babies to every show, but it's a step. I've been more and more interested in how the business world can provide services for parents that are win-win, and this seems like a nice one, in the space-creating mode. Now if only I actually got some maternity leave when my baby arrives in December, and didn't have to teach on tuesday mornings, I'd love to go to Reel Mom Cinema. Maybe I'll put in for a schedule change.... Check out Reel Mom Cinema
2. Mothers Can Do It job fairs in the NY area, focusing on helping mothers who have taken time out for parenting get back into the workplace. Check out their website
(Thanks to Jessica Safran at Vital Signage for both of these references.)
So while we're waiting for a big fancy mothers movement with all the bells and whistles that signify "movement," I'll also be keeping track of small changes that may open the doors for us caretakers to feel more empowered to act on our own behalf.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Getting Even
That's the name of Evelyn Murphy's new book: Getting Even: Why Women Don't Get Paid Like Men--and What to Do About It, which is on my desk, and I'm loving for it's point--that there is a wage gap, for women, for mothers, and it's not going away. Murphy is heavily promoting the book and getting the ideas out. Here's an article from the Boston Globe for anyone who know's they're not going to read the whole book. The wage gap is something that concerns me--no, that's too tame, angers me, even as it's something that I and many other women try not to think about. Murphy is mad though, and filled with data and arguments--this is the kind of book we'd all like to write because she's just nailed the problem on the head, and she's mad, and she's been the Lt. Governor of Massachusetts, so she knows both how to get attention and how politics works.
One of her arguments, too, is that lately there's been a rumor going round that the women's wage gap has to do with all the moms who have stepped out of the workplace. Not so, she says. They don't earn income, and they're not even counted when it comes to wages. She also writes about the mommy penalty and the daddy bonus, that moms earn less and gain fewer promotions when they become parents, and dads earn more and are taken more seriously. Go read the article. Get mad, and figure out what we can do to change this.
Now if I could only get my dsl line working in my new office space....
And have a great day.
One of her arguments, too, is that lately there's been a rumor going round that the women's wage gap has to do with all the moms who have stepped out of the workplace. Not so, she says. They don't earn income, and they're not even counted when it comes to wages. She also writes about the mommy penalty and the daddy bonus, that moms earn less and gain fewer promotions when they become parents, and dads earn more and are taken more seriously. Go read the article. Get mad, and figure out what we can do to change this.
Now if I could only get my dsl line working in my new office space....
And have a great day.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Check out the new Brian, Child
The new issue of Brain, Child, has an article by Stephanie Wilkerson on whether there can ever be a movement to get us out of the frustrations that mothers, and men who parent, currently face.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Go Annabeth!
Closer to Home: All I can say is that Annabeth's makeup looked fine by me, and she's a prosecutor, not a detective, and she's returning from maternity leave. Twelve weeks ("a full 12 weeks," says a woman who was promoted to be Annabeth's boss in her absence....") That said, read below for some very positive comments.
First, thank you TV for showing us a real live mother pumping breastmilk. Well, we didn't see the pumping, but we saw those funky plastic suction cups on her desk, and all the wires out and about. A minor plot line has Annabeth asking for a small frig for her office. She receives it, with a big red bow on top, after she wins her case, but really, after one of her bosses accidentally picks up a small bottle marked "breast milk, do not touch" from the lunchroom refrigerator. Points for making breast pumping look respectable, something done with dignity, not in disarray. And for showing us this scene. Have we ever before seen a mom pumping?
Second, thank you for the kindly daycare worker, who when Annabeth returns to work, afraid that she's damaging her child through daycare, reassures her that the separation is harder for Annabeth than it is for her adorable child.
Third, thank you for portraying a decent dad and father, also at his job, also balancing work and family. He's a minor character, and yes, he does call her with his own emergency-can-you-pick-our-child-up-at-the-last-minute-even-though-you're-busy-at-work. But it's clear that he takes usual responsibility for picking up their child at daycare, and doing the evening shift. He doesn't complain when Annabeth gets a late night work-related call. He cuddles her and their child. And he takes an active role in sleep-training their child. Points, points, points for showing an involved dad, for not repeating the new idiom that parenting is women's work.
Yes, we've seen working moms on TV, but never with scenes that show them grappling with this level of detail, and never letting them express true ambivalence. Annnabeth gets to say near the beginning that she's not really ready to return to work, yet at the same time, she wants to be both a mommy and a prosecutor. We understand that Annabeth finds all this hard. That's not swept under the rug. Even the woman who at show's beginning is her nemesis and now boss, is, by hour's end telling Annabeth that nothing's harder than being a working mother.
So, a big thank you to TV for this one, for showing us one mother's life, with empathy and care.
First, thank you TV for showing us a real live mother pumping breastmilk. Well, we didn't see the pumping, but we saw those funky plastic suction cups on her desk, and all the wires out and about. A minor plot line has Annabeth asking for a small frig for her office. She receives it, with a big red bow on top, after she wins her case, but really, after one of her bosses accidentally picks up a small bottle marked "breast milk, do not touch" from the lunchroom refrigerator. Points for making breast pumping look respectable, something done with dignity, not in disarray. And for showing us this scene. Have we ever before seen a mom pumping?
Second, thank you for the kindly daycare worker, who when Annabeth returns to work, afraid that she's damaging her child through daycare, reassures her that the separation is harder for Annabeth than it is for her adorable child.
Third, thank you for portraying a decent dad and father, also at his job, also balancing work and family. He's a minor character, and yes, he does call her with his own emergency-can-you-pick-our-child-up-at-the-last-minute-even-though-you're-busy-at-work. But it's clear that he takes usual responsibility for picking up their child at daycare, and doing the evening shift. He doesn't complain when Annabeth gets a late night work-related call. He cuddles her and their child. And he takes an active role in sleep-training their child. Points, points, points for showing an involved dad, for not repeating the new idiom that parenting is women's work.
Yes, we've seen working moms on TV, but never with scenes that show them grappling with this level of detail, and never letting them express true ambivalence. Annnabeth gets to say near the beginning that she's not really ready to return to work, yet at the same time, she wants to be both a mommy and a prosecutor. We understand that Annabeth finds all this hard. That's not swept under the rug. Even the woman who at show's beginning is her nemesis and now boss, is, by hour's end telling Annabeth that nothing's harder than being a working mother.
So, a big thank you to TV for this one, for showing us one mother's life, with empathy and care.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Is Change in the Air: TV
Okay, it's a theme, a passion, an obsession, but many of us share it. Where will change come from?
Today, in between my almost 8-months-pregnant hibernal fog, I read in the Philly Inquirer about the new TV show, airing tonight, called Closer to Home, whose central character is a back-to-work mom detective. The article complained that she wears too much make up, but generally likes the show. Put that together with Lynnette, week 2, and her return to work, and does this mean that those invisible hollywood writers have a theme going? A theme that finally lets at least this aspect of motherhood on the air?
Now, we want all of motherhood on the air, but this is a good start. So, in case any TV writers ever check this blog, let me tell you what moms across america, and savvy dads, too, want to know about these characters: we want to know their salaries. We want to know the exact relation between what they did before kids and what they're doing now. We want to know the wage differential: did they lose status during their years at home? are they subject to the mommy wage gap? are they being paid fairly now? Just a few lines of dialogue will satisfy, no need to make a big deal. But if you want realism, if you want us to relax and believe, dish the numbers. Hollywood, if you can hear me, that's what I have to say. We want numbers. And ps, there's the contact question: Did these women have pre-existing contacts? Did they answer newspaper ads, seek headhunters? Did they have to network the whole time they were home with the kids?
I really truly am sleeping as much as I can, which means tonight I dozed on the couch as soon as Rob walked in the door, and missed even kissing my daughter goodnight. In my haze (the TV was on, we watched Eloise for the millionth time this afternoon....) I heard a news report, yet another, on whether working moms should feel guilty (answer: they shouldn't). Apparently a new government report. Apparently they want us all back in the workplace. The report reassures moms (see below) that it's only the margins of kids in daycare who become more aggressive, and most kids in daycare do just fine on all standards of behavior and intelligence. All of you know that I have to opinion on the daycare/homecare debates. There are many ways to raise a child. I'm just intrigued when I see a new juncture of concern and debate.
Is this just the Desperate Housewives effect? (Rumor has it the NY Post has a DH-angled article on back-to-work motherhood in a recent edition.) Could it be the economy's heating up again and they need women's skills and talents? If so, women, ladies, girls, when you head back to work: be confident, demand, negotiate, and get what you want, that's my advice. My only problem with this report: the dads. Dads are part of parenting too, let's keep them in the picture, whether they're at home, working, cycling back in, supporting, or whatever. Not every family has a dad, some have two moms, some have one, some families only have dads, but dads can't stay invisible in this story of change.
And now, because it's media night, I'm off to clean out my office, which is going to become the nursery. I'm moving upstairs, to a slightly larger space, but out of the hustle-and-bustle of what will become the family floor (ours is one of those old, narrow, tall houses). For a half-hour, since no one I know wants to miss Commander-in-Chief at 9 o'clock. Who says that TV is the poison of civilization? Not me.
Today, in between my almost 8-months-pregnant hibernal fog, I read in the Philly Inquirer about the new TV show, airing tonight, called Closer to Home, whose central character is a back-to-work mom detective. The article complained that she wears too much make up, but generally likes the show. Put that together with Lynnette, week 2, and her return to work, and does this mean that those invisible hollywood writers have a theme going? A theme that finally lets at least this aspect of motherhood on the air?
Now, we want all of motherhood on the air, but this is a good start. So, in case any TV writers ever check this blog, let me tell you what moms across america, and savvy dads, too, want to know about these characters: we want to know their salaries. We want to know the exact relation between what they did before kids and what they're doing now. We want to know the wage differential: did they lose status during their years at home? are they subject to the mommy wage gap? are they being paid fairly now? Just a few lines of dialogue will satisfy, no need to make a big deal. But if you want realism, if you want us to relax and believe, dish the numbers. Hollywood, if you can hear me, that's what I have to say. We want numbers. And ps, there's the contact question: Did these women have pre-existing contacts? Did they answer newspaper ads, seek headhunters? Did they have to network the whole time they were home with the kids?
I really truly am sleeping as much as I can, which means tonight I dozed on the couch as soon as Rob walked in the door, and missed even kissing my daughter goodnight. In my haze (the TV was on, we watched Eloise for the millionth time this afternoon....) I heard a news report, yet another, on whether working moms should feel guilty (answer: they shouldn't). Apparently a new government report. Apparently they want us all back in the workplace. The report reassures moms (see below) that it's only the margins of kids in daycare who become more aggressive, and most kids in daycare do just fine on all standards of behavior and intelligence. All of you know that I have to opinion on the daycare/homecare debates. There are many ways to raise a child. I'm just intrigued when I see a new juncture of concern and debate.
Is this just the Desperate Housewives effect? (Rumor has it the NY Post has a DH-angled article on back-to-work motherhood in a recent edition.) Could it be the economy's heating up again and they need women's skills and talents? If so, women, ladies, girls, when you head back to work: be confident, demand, negotiate, and get what you want, that's my advice. My only problem with this report: the dads. Dads are part of parenting too, let's keep them in the picture, whether they're at home, working, cycling back in, supporting, or whatever. Not every family has a dad, some have two moms, some have one, some families only have dads, but dads can't stay invisible in this story of change.
And now, because it's media night, I'm off to clean out my office, which is going to become the nursery. I'm moving upstairs, to a slightly larger space, but out of the hustle-and-bustle of what will become the family floor (ours is one of those old, narrow, tall houses). For a half-hour, since no one I know wants to miss Commander-in-Chief at 9 o'clock. Who says that TV is the poison of civilization? Not me.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Change 1
This post gets a number. Change is what I'm pondering over, and I can't write, or even think, it all in a single post. Look for change, followed by many numbers. I'm often asked if I think real change for the situations women and mothers face is possible. At times I feel like a cheerleader: change must be possible, it has to happen, there's too many lives at stake. We women and mothers must be included in our nation's promise of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness to it's citizens.
At other times, I'm not sure. I can see things getting worse. I think that the NYTimes article on college students last week was very much about representatives of a cohort saying that they've lost faith in the post 1960's american contract, that we can all have families and earn a living, on equal terms.
And last night at MotherTalk, the question that struck me the most was, what can we do. The problem is so large. And believe me, it's not like I have the answer behind my back and I'm just not telling. It's like anything: when you have a vision about how to make something, or make something better, but there's no explicit directions, and getting from here to there can seem a bit magical.
So, for the moment, some pieces, some attempts.
I'll be talking more with her next week, but when I spoke at Barnard a met a women who runs an executive coaching firm called Vital Signage. And check out this announcement on her website, www.vitalsignage.com.
"New Practice Area: Integrating Livelihood and Motherhood
VitalSignage has started a practice for pregnant professionals and new working mothers. If your company is committed to retaining your high potential female executives and managers as they move through a profound life change, VitalSignage Coaching is your resource. With an emphasis on integrating livelihood and motherhood, the coaching program uses the multiple identities and roles of women to expand their leadership development and innovate the ways in which they contribute to the organization.
Contact us to find out more."
Sometimes change is big and loud and happens out in the streets, and sometimes it is quiet and persistence, and comes from a web in every direction, making it hard to track, hard to quantify, but it happens nonetheless. That's what I'm betting is happening. It needs energy. I'm going to start, and keep, tracking down small sites around our homes and schools and workplaces where change is happening, so send me info if you have it.
More to come.
At other times, I'm not sure. I can see things getting worse. I think that the NYTimes article on college students last week was very much about representatives of a cohort saying that they've lost faith in the post 1960's american contract, that we can all have families and earn a living, on equal terms.
And last night at MotherTalk, the question that struck me the most was, what can we do. The problem is so large. And believe me, it's not like I have the answer behind my back and I'm just not telling. It's like anything: when you have a vision about how to make something, or make something better, but there's no explicit directions, and getting from here to there can seem a bit magical.
So, for the moment, some pieces, some attempts.
I'll be talking more with her next week, but when I spoke at Barnard a met a women who runs an executive coaching firm called Vital Signage. And check out this announcement on her website, www.vitalsignage.com.
"New Practice Area: Integrating Livelihood and Motherhood
VitalSignage has started a practice for pregnant professionals and new working mothers. If your company is committed to retaining your high potential female executives and managers as they move through a profound life change, VitalSignage Coaching is your resource. With an emphasis on integrating livelihood and motherhood, the coaching program uses the multiple identities and roles of women to expand their leadership development and innovate the ways in which they contribute to the organization.
Contact us to find out more."
Sometimes change is big and loud and happens out in the streets, and sometimes it is quiet and persistence, and comes from a web in every direction, making it hard to track, hard to quantify, but it happens nonetheless. That's what I'm betting is happening. It needs energy. I'm going to start, and keep, tracking down small sites around our homes and schools and workplaces where change is happening, so send me info if you have it.
More to come.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
MotherTalk tonight
Any last minute, local readers: I'll be appearing with Andi Buchanan tonight at MotherTalk, 2026 Spruce in Center City, Philadelphia. Come and join us for good conversation about motherhood. See you there.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Desperate Housewives, before the next one airs
There seems to be something in the air that propels me toward guilty pleasure TV on sunday nights. It could be HBO and the wonderfully vacuous Entourage, sadly post-season now. Or it could be Desperate Housewives. Which I do watch, though not religiously, but I'm glad I caught this one. Last spring I talked with a reporter who asked me what I thought of DH. My answer was that it wasn't good enough, and I mentioned that I would like the show to deal with Lynnette's struggles as a mother who had a big career and was now at home. I wanted more workplace angst, in other words.
Well, I got it. Sunday showed Lynette's husband at home. Of course, he's being set up to fail, with a back that just went out, but hey, my back went out with a six-month at home, and I was flat on the floor too, so I have sympathy. I do hope the show can let him be competent. Dads can hands-on parent as well as moms, and we don't need another stereotyped Mr. Mom dad who can't quite get it right. (By the same token, I'm glad that last night's premiere of Commander-in-Chief didn't let the female president's husband become chief of staff, and made a big deal of showing him the first lady's office, swathed in pink. Men CAN do what women have always done).
We also get to see Lynnette get a new job. She carousels back in, not without some flack. Of course, it's the woman who criticizes her in advance for having kids, and wonders whether she can do the job. We want images of female solidarity, but this image too, is quite real, and one of the places where mommy wars take place is not on the playground, but in offices everywhere, with women with and without children taking out frustrations on each other. I did love the segment where Lynnette is interviewed for five seconds by the big boss, who needs to leave early to catch a basketball game, putting to rest the idea that it's only parents who need special daytime hours off for their kids' needs. And the scene in which Lynnette diapers her baby and fast-talks a presentation on what the company's next steps should be is priceless.
So, comments: was the on ramp too easy? It's clear that she's taking a lesser job than she had; after all, she's the one with more knowledge and know-how. Is her on-ramp too easy to be a good, helpful image for mothers everywhere? Or is it helpful for all of us to have a TV image of a mom who gets back into the workforce? To see her business focus and smarts up against one boss who's petty and biased against moms, and another who respects her as he's heading out the door to play?
I say, keep it up and give us more. Yes, we need to talk about the difficulties of reentry, desperately. And we also need these public images and stories about mothers who move in and out of home and work, of moms who carousel as many of us do. Even, perhaps especially a popular TV show about a mom getting back in starts to shift the culture we live in. Go Lynnette. Get that husband of hers to the chiropractor and get him standing again.
Well, I got it. Sunday showed Lynette's husband at home. Of course, he's being set up to fail, with a back that just went out, but hey, my back went out with a six-month at home, and I was flat on the floor too, so I have sympathy. I do hope the show can let him be competent. Dads can hands-on parent as well as moms, and we don't need another stereotyped Mr. Mom dad who can't quite get it right. (By the same token, I'm glad that last night's premiere of Commander-in-Chief didn't let the female president's husband become chief of staff, and made a big deal of showing him the first lady's office, swathed in pink. Men CAN do what women have always done).
We also get to see Lynnette get a new job. She carousels back in, not without some flack. Of course, it's the woman who criticizes her in advance for having kids, and wonders whether she can do the job. We want images of female solidarity, but this image too, is quite real, and one of the places where mommy wars take place is not on the playground, but in offices everywhere, with women with and without children taking out frustrations on each other. I did love the segment where Lynnette is interviewed for five seconds by the big boss, who needs to leave early to catch a basketball game, putting to rest the idea that it's only parents who need special daytime hours off for their kids' needs. And the scene in which Lynnette diapers her baby and fast-talks a presentation on what the company's next steps should be is priceless.
So, comments: was the on ramp too easy? It's clear that she's taking a lesser job than she had; after all, she's the one with more knowledge and know-how. Is her on-ramp too easy to be a good, helpful image for mothers everywhere? Or is it helpful for all of us to have a TV image of a mom who gets back into the workforce? To see her business focus and smarts up against one boss who's petty and biased against moms, and another who respects her as he's heading out the door to play?
I say, keep it up and give us more. Yes, we need to talk about the difficulties of reentry, desperately. And we also need these public images and stories about mothers who move in and out of home and work, of moms who carousel as many of us do. Even, perhaps especially a popular TV show about a mom getting back in starts to shift the culture we live in. Go Lynnette. Get that husband of hers to the chiropractor and get him standing again.
Monday, September 26, 2005
NYT, finally.
Several people have asked me what I think about last week's NYTimes feature on Ivy-educated women who plan to leave the workforce or work part time once they have children. After all, I've made a recent career of reading the NYTimes and pointing out how poorly it deals with gender and motherhood. The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars is filled with this kind of analysis, and since its publication, many blog entries have followed that direction.
For those who have asked, my response is that these young women aren't insane, and they may not even be antifeminist, though the article poses them that way. We don't know enough from the article to say whether they are the vision of the new conservativism (though some may be, especiallly since in the last decade, we've seen very progressive moms on the blue-state side of things leave their paid jobs, stay home, or work part time. These young women may merely be pragamatic. They may be looking ahead to women ten years senior and saying, ah ha, this is what happens, especially in law, business, medicine and the other high prestige jobs they are headed toward.
Critics in Salon.com, and at Slate respond in part by saying that this is a tiny subsection of our society, and that in fact more women and mothers than ever are in the workplace. That response fudges the numbers. More women/mothers than 20 years ago are in the workplace, yes, but a huge proportion of them are working part time, in other words, they're accommodating motherhood and work in ways that are often unfair, salary-wise. To say in the name of a feminist response that more women and mothers are working is to undermine the real support that many mothers need to find fair labor.
Near the end of Truth Behind the Mommy Wars, I write that what looks like a retro trending back to the 1950's may not be so. But what the trend of mothers leaving the full time workplace needs is a voice, is a framework that explains the real frustrations and the true structures that make it so hard for many moms to work fulltime. It needs a voice that says: things must change. It needs a vision.
Good thing we have Judith Stadtmand Tucker at Mothers Movement Online on our team. Head right over Judy's new post on the Times article, and let's all be glad we know someone with vision, and that she's focused her life so that she can share it with all of us.
Have a great day, and a great start to the week.
For those who have asked, my response is that these young women aren't insane, and they may not even be antifeminist, though the article poses them that way. We don't know enough from the article to say whether they are the vision of the new conservativism (though some may be, especiallly since in the last decade, we've seen very progressive moms on the blue-state side of things leave their paid jobs, stay home, or work part time. These young women may merely be pragamatic. They may be looking ahead to women ten years senior and saying, ah ha, this is what happens, especially in law, business, medicine and the other high prestige jobs they are headed toward.
Critics in Salon.com, and at Slate respond in part by saying that this is a tiny subsection of our society, and that in fact more women and mothers than ever are in the workplace. That response fudges the numbers. More women/mothers than 20 years ago are in the workplace, yes, but a huge proportion of them are working part time, in other words, they're accommodating motherhood and work in ways that are often unfair, salary-wise. To say in the name of a feminist response that more women and mothers are working is to undermine the real support that many mothers need to find fair labor.
Near the end of Truth Behind the Mommy Wars, I write that what looks like a retro trending back to the 1950's may not be so. But what the trend of mothers leaving the full time workplace needs is a voice, is a framework that explains the real frustrations and the true structures that make it so hard for many moms to work fulltime. It needs a voice that says: things must change. It needs a vision.
Good thing we have Judith Stadtmand Tucker at Mothers Movement Online on our team. Head right over Judy's new post on the Times article, and let's all be glad we know someone with vision, and that she's focused her life so that she can share it with all of us.
Have a great day, and a great start to the week.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
What is MotherTalk?
Last January, Andi B and I learned that mother author Faulkner Fox was visiting Philadelphia with her son. Not content to just let her have a vacation, we asked if she wanted to participate in a book event. She said yes, and then Andi Buchanan and I, not content to just call a few pals, decided to start a movement (okay, I'm overstating a bit). An evening's not good enough, it needs a title, it needs continuity, even though we're busy, we need to start an institution that gathers mothers together for talk, food, conversation.
MotherTalk was born. A few emails later, LiteraryMama.com was our sponsor. Now we have a new co-sponsor, Time Out, a new Philly-based organization that gathers moms for fun and a night out every so often. We've had several MotherTalks since then, as our author friends come through town on book tours or family getaways. And I'll be doing one next Thursday, September 29th, in Center City (see the right sidebar for details...)
What I love about MotherTalk is that we get to talk about real issues. There's something about talking at night, when mothers revert to grownup time, that's very special. Yes, there's a theme here, about reclaiming our evenings for inspired talk and vision. Moms get together. After the last one, in which Faulkner envisioned the end of mothers judging each other, and the start of feminist revolution, I wondered how many such gatherings would be necessary to really start the buzz, to start a cultural shift in which we know our issues as moms, and we have more strength to shoulder the confusing political and cultural times in which we live (front page NYTimes, anyone?)
MotherTalk has spread--there have been events in Oregon, in Seattle, and other cities. It's not proprietary, it's not something we control, so if you want to gather moms (and/or dads) together to talk (with or without authors present!), go ahead, send out an e-invite, make a yahoo group list for the next time, let folks in your neighborhood or city or state feel connected to us well-meaning, committed author-moms here in Philadelphia, and elsewhere around our nation, reminding ourselves that mothers and fathers everywhere are talking about these issues. Just let us know so we have a sense of what's going on. And talk, and enjoy.
MotherTalk was born. A few emails later, LiteraryMama.com was our sponsor. Now we have a new co-sponsor, Time Out, a new Philly-based organization that gathers moms for fun and a night out every so often. We've had several MotherTalks since then, as our author friends come through town on book tours or family getaways. And I'll be doing one next Thursday, September 29th, in Center City (see the right sidebar for details...)
What I love about MotherTalk is that we get to talk about real issues. There's something about talking at night, when mothers revert to grownup time, that's very special. Yes, there's a theme here, about reclaiming our evenings for inspired talk and vision. Moms get together. After the last one, in which Faulkner envisioned the end of mothers judging each other, and the start of feminist revolution, I wondered how many such gatherings would be necessary to really start the buzz, to start a cultural shift in which we know our issues as moms, and we have more strength to shoulder the confusing political and cultural times in which we live (front page NYTimes, anyone?)
MotherTalk has spread--there have been events in Oregon, in Seattle, and other cities. It's not proprietary, it's not something we control, so if you want to gather moms (and/or dads) together to talk (with or without authors present!), go ahead, send out an e-invite, make a yahoo group list for the next time, let folks in your neighborhood or city or state feel connected to us well-meaning, committed author-moms here in Philadelphia, and elsewhere around our nation, reminding ourselves that mothers and fathers everywhere are talking about these issues. Just let us know so we have a sense of what's going on. And talk, and enjoy.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
The Right to Wear Dowdy Clothes
I stopped into the hardware store today to buy some concrete mix. Yes, this sounds impressive, really, though, only a small bag, having picked up an on-sale tether-ball set last week while shopping for presents for September birthday parties (it's the season of bowling parties for the turning-7-and-8-years-old set), only to realize later that one doesn't just push a tether-ball pole into the ground, one has to anchor it in a concrete base, set into the grass, making it a much larger project than I thought when I alighted upon the mark-down from 19.99 to 2.99. Perhaps this is why the set ended up in the post-summer sale bin.
Anyway, I stopped at Killian's, a very old-fashioned kind of hardware store where when you're visibly pregnant, the 70-something sales clerk asks if he can haul your bag of concrete mix to your car for you, and it doesn't seem patronizing, it just feels kind (actually, they'll do this even if you aren't pregnant, and I liked that no one raised an eyebrow at the possible incongruity of a pregnant woman asking for concrete). The cashier was very chatty, and sweet. She told me how nice it was to see a pregnant woman wearing something large, like they used too (she was probably in her fifties). I was wearing a rather large, black sleeveless maternity shirt. It was leftover from my first time around, fashionable seven years ago when my first daughter was born, the first Belly Basics maternity clothing foray into black. It came with maternity biker shorts, and was quite comfortable, and the whole outfit got me through a hot Atlanta summer.
Now, however, clothes for pregnant women come much tighter. Don't get me wrong. I'm walking around with my belly sticking out, swathed minimally in camisoles, and pants that come under my belly. I love the new clothes. But what struck me is how old-fashioned I felt today, dowdy even, with my tentlike covering. As we move toward better fashion for pregnant women, I also don't want to lose our fashion right to be dowdy, to wear big comfy clothes, to sport about in oversize shirts and leggings, to dare to look 1970's. I've seen bunches of newspaper articles lately that note the new, Brittany-Spears maternity wear. Next it will Manolos in extra-wide for pregnant mamas, I'm sure, and we'll feel thirty years out of date if we slip flats or canvas keds around those bulging, waterlogged ankles of ours.
After we chatted, and I turned to catch up with the clerk carrying my bag of concrete mix, the cashier half-apologized. "I hope I didn't pry," she said. I assured her it was all okay, that I appreciated the chance to talk about all this. In public. Sometimes older women with their long memories, are exactly who we need to be hearing from.
Anyway, I stopped at Killian's, a very old-fashioned kind of hardware store where when you're visibly pregnant, the 70-something sales clerk asks if he can haul your bag of concrete mix to your car for you, and it doesn't seem patronizing, it just feels kind (actually, they'll do this even if you aren't pregnant, and I liked that no one raised an eyebrow at the possible incongruity of a pregnant woman asking for concrete). The cashier was very chatty, and sweet. She told me how nice it was to see a pregnant woman wearing something large, like they used too (she was probably in her fifties). I was wearing a rather large, black sleeveless maternity shirt. It was leftover from my first time around, fashionable seven years ago when my first daughter was born, the first Belly Basics maternity clothing foray into black. It came with maternity biker shorts, and was quite comfortable, and the whole outfit got me through a hot Atlanta summer.
Now, however, clothes for pregnant women come much tighter. Don't get me wrong. I'm walking around with my belly sticking out, swathed minimally in camisoles, and pants that come under my belly. I love the new clothes. But what struck me is how old-fashioned I felt today, dowdy even, with my tentlike covering. As we move toward better fashion for pregnant women, I also don't want to lose our fashion right to be dowdy, to wear big comfy clothes, to sport about in oversize shirts and leggings, to dare to look 1970's. I've seen bunches of newspaper articles lately that note the new, Brittany-Spears maternity wear. Next it will Manolos in extra-wide for pregnant mamas, I'm sure, and we'll feel thirty years out of date if we slip flats or canvas keds around those bulging, waterlogged ankles of ours.
After we chatted, and I turned to catch up with the clerk carrying my bag of concrete mix, the cashier half-apologized. "I hope I didn't pry," she said. I assured her it was all okay, that I appreciated the chance to talk about all this. In public. Sometimes older women with their long memories, are exactly who we need to be hearing from.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Check Out New Events
Check out the sidebar, I've just added some more Philly-are events this fall. I know, I can't say no, I just love talking about these issues and hearing what people have to say. I'll be at St. Joseph's University (St. Joe's to locals) on wednesday, October 16th at noon--a great daytime event if you're home with your kids. Watch for more details (room, etc) as they emerge. Plus, rumor has it that hoagies will be served. Religious universities tend to be sidelined in our discussions about women and social justice: I must report that of all our illustrious area colleges, St. Joe's seems to be the leader in real policies that help working mothers and fathers. I'm excited to visit and learn more.
And announcing another Philadelphia MotherTalk! Thursday evening, September 19th, 2026 Spruce St. in Center City. Details and rsvp to andi.buchanan@gmail.com. MotherTalk is new national phenomenon that brings women together in evening literary salons to talk with local and visiting mother-writers about the real issues affecting them as mothers and women today. MotherTalk started here in Philly when Andi and I realized that mother-author Faulkner Fox was visiting, and we wanted to set up an event for her. Good ideas spread, and MotherTalks have spread, with some in LA, Seattle, Oregon and other far away places. Think good food, good company, good conversation, and pass the word. These have been very popular and well-attended events, and a great combination of serious talk and fun.
And announcing another Philadelphia MotherTalk! Thursday evening, September 19th, 2026 Spruce St. in Center City. Details and rsvp to andi.buchanan@gmail.com. MotherTalk is new national phenomenon that brings women together in evening literary salons to talk with local and visiting mother-writers about the real issues affecting them as mothers and women today. MotherTalk started here in Philly when Andi and I realized that mother-author Faulkner Fox was visiting, and we wanted to set up an event for her. Good ideas spread, and MotherTalks have spread, with some in LA, Seattle, Oregon and other far away places. Think good food, good company, good conversation, and pass the word. These have been very popular and well-attended events, and a great combination of serious talk and fun.